Youve been warned, husband. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. Nitpicking Your Spouse Can Damage Your Marriage A simple act of pointing out the good in them is enough to elevate their mood and bring the good parts of your family into focus. Its not actually effective in getting your partner to change their ways. Fault-finding. How do you respond to a nitpicking spouse? There are factors that cause people to nitpick things, and by understanding why they do this, we can find ways to face this issue. In a couple, one person always has 100 percent control of 50 percent of the dynamic. Please pray for my family. 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Hopefully, after youve done this a few times, your spouse will start to notice their nitpicking behavior. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". When expressing how you feel, it's not enough to tell your partner that you don't appreciate their words. The kitchen? In some marriages, the level of nitpicking may accelerate We have frequent opportunities to provide feedback to our kids, our spouse Did you offer primarily positive and encouraging words, or were there many Missed a Spot mentions? Hopefully, after youve done this a few times, your spouse will start to notice their nitpicking behavior. They might not stop immediately, but if you follow up your compliment with more positive feedback, slowly they will calm down. Be creative with your criticisms and complaints, 14. This is a toxic characteristic, and its actually good to weed it out if its there. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Your lover always wants you to be the best version of yourself to them and others, as you would. Encourage your nitpicking partner to be mindful of their criticism, opting for more positive things to say instead of their initial mental comments. Using up your energy nitpicking about the toilet seat position is draining, and it wastes time that could've been used for your other life-changing decisions. Criticism is often a hard pill to swallow, though it helps us develop ourselves into better individuals. What percentage of DNA do you need to be considered Native American? I was taught that looks and sex werent that important. Success! Learning Mind does not provide medical, psychological, or any other type of professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Want a Happy Marriage? Be Nice, Don't Nitpick - WebMD Nitpicking in this context may be considered sadistic, but because it is usually unconscious it is difficult to stop. Heres something from a Webmd.com article titled, Want a Happy Marriage? Dealing with nitpickers takes patience. This allows you to control the situation and steer the conversation away from conflicts. Are you focused In asking them reasonable questions, you're disarming them and giving them the pushback they need to reassess their assertion or reaction to your behavior. Nitpicking Can you work with me to teach the kids to clean, and can you help me enforce times when they also must do their chores? Here are 2 of the several given that you may want to implement in your life with your spouse: Pause and comprehend what youre about to say. Bring it up in a nonthreatening way. Strategies that can help you deal with being nitpicked include: We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content. Its important that we dont eventually come to the point of thinking, Hows that working for us? Its then that its important to stop the insanity of thinking that nagging over and over again about the same issues will work. Especially when your partner is constantlydoing things that upset you. How To Deal Then follow this up with, Dont worry about it. As many of us are guilty of making mountains out of mole hills in our marriages, we need a perspective jolt for our marriages and visiting a widow or widower who no longer has their spouse often provides that jolt. Thats especially true, when it hasnt changed things the last hundred or so times. Nitpicking In A Relationship (31 Tips To Stop Nitpicking) Never Take the Blame for Your Partner's Unhappiness: Reclaim your identity by becoming less dependent on their approval. Take the time to listen about your partners day, feelings, hobby, or whatever they want to talk about. There's always something to talk about or discuss with your partner, from major financial decisions to taking a job in a new city or choosing rose-colored glasses over green for your wedding reception. Often the couple has never experienced a good sex life: You can discover this by asking about early dating or honeymoon activity. When this level of trust is broken, it is tough to repair, causing your marriage more harm than good. Though it's not encouraged, this is utterly normal and can happen to the best of couples. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him. Instead of bringing down the closest person to your heart through nitpicking, you should, if you're the nitpicking partner, assess the behavior you want to address, why you don't like it and why you believe your partner needs to change. Hey there! This is better than barraging him with negative comments whenever you need to. Show respect by asking these questions in a kind and gentle way and watch the nitpicking battles fade away with time. Assessing your own needs and emotions can help you address your feelings without nitpicking. If your spouse nitpicks at you, puts you down, or demeans you, it's important that you talk about this issue. It may be a difficult discussion, but it's necessary. Please focus on the parts you can change and work on them for the continuity of your marriage and the family bond. Switch your bad habits, such as nitpicking, for good alternatives, such as journaling and passing uplifting comments, and see your relationship thrive. To deal with nitpicking in relationships and at work, it takes patience and strength. New York, NY 10001 I believe in positive action more than positive thinking. Understand your needs 6. By continuing to use this website, you consent to the use of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Another great way is by petting. To your partner, however, dinner is the perfect time catch up on Facebook after a long day at work. If your partner is a nitpicker, he did not receive a lot of support growing up during his formative adult years. The issue never gets resolved, and everyone starts pointing fingers without accepting their fault. Lets talk about priorities. It is always best to let them know how you feel and what their words cause you to think about yourself. How To Stop Nitpicking In A Relationship (For Both Parties) One of the major keys to a nitpicky person is finding even the tiniest of faults. Both parties need to learn patience and kindness to prevent these irregular occurrences from becoming regular. 2. The best thing to do is whenever you're faced with incidents that push you to nitpick, consciously reflect on all the good things you love and appreciate about your partner. The best thing about a habit is that when done consistently, it sticks. Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W., is the author of the book Magnetic Partners. Take this quick quiz and get matched with a real relationshp coach that can help you work through those problems! deal (These points come from Sheilas article, How Much is Reasonable to Expect from Your Spouse?). Why are the Infinity Stones different colors? As it applies to the nitpicking matter, however, in her Huffington Post article, You Missed a Spot! Sometimes nitpickers dont even know how hurtful their words can be. And heres a thought that you might consider, if youre experiencing difficulty in refraining from nitpicking at your spouse constantly.