Fuck hope. Here, we bring you 27 of the best George Carlin quotes of all time. Love, was the kind of person you could hang out with and [], Slim and soft-spoken, endearingly warm and witty, with an enviable knack for captivating the interest of his audiences during his [], How can a sickly boy, suffering from asthma, rickets and rheumatic fever, transform himself into an accomplished gymnast, a wrestler [], With his simple, unpretentious writing style, characterized by an unfiltered, punchy honesty and violent and sexual imagery, Bukowski managed to [], Born in 1910 in Hall, Indiana, John Robert Wooden, aka the Wizard of Westwood, was an American basketball player and [], Short Funny George Carlin Quotes that will make you Laugh, Best George Carlin Quotes to make you Laugh and Think Out of the Box, Insightful George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government, Inspirational George Carlin Quotes on Life, Society and People, Provocative George Carlin Quotes on Religion that will Remind you there is a Funny Side of God, 80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral and Other Life Stories, 60+ Edgar Allan Poe Quotes to Take You on a Mystery Ride, 51 Elvis Presley Quotes About the Essence of Life and Rock n Roll, 50 Harvey Milk Quotes To Help Us Never Silence Hope, 44 Astonishing Mary Astell Quotes that Spoke of Gender Equality Earlier Than You Think, 50 Unconventional Quotes From Future About Love And Life, 70 Pertinent James Madison Quotes That Can Still Inspire a Better State, 60 Powerful Led Zeppelin Quotes About Love, Life And Death, 65 Exceptional Ruth Bader Ginsburg Quotes About The Fight For Justice, 70 Ariana Grande Quotes That Will Inspire You And Make You Fall In Love, Best 90 George Orwell Quotes on the Danger of Oppression, 75 Jane Austen Quotes on the Truth of Love, The Best Eckhart Tolle Quotes About Now & Being, 70 Karl Marx Quotes to Form Conscience on Social Issues, 60+ Alexander The Great Quotes on the Idea of an Empire, 99 Leonardo Da Vinci Quotes About Knowledge, Art and Inspiration, 50+ Motivational Leo Buscaglia Quotes on Living and Learning, 100+ Yuval Noah Harari Quotes About the World Today, 70+ Joseph Pilates Quotes About the Pilates Method and Your Bodys Potential, 66 Gritty Charles Bukowski Quotes for Restless Souls, 110 John Wooden Quotes to Help You Coach Yourself. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer., "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Religion is like a pair of shoes Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. They will do anything for the unborn. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). 70. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. I just dont have as many people who believe it., "I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. I took his shoes. Former U.S. representative wonders: Can you keep an (Anthony) Weiner down? Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. ", "In America, anyone can become president. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. Follow the link for the full transcript, its worth it, but here are a few choice excerpts: When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. We could see through the hypocracy and illogic of our parents and teachers, but because of our age and size we couldn't do anything about it. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Theyve never had rights. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. So I know that a little later on this year, youre going to have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. This is what we have to offer. I had an imaginary friend I didnt bother with him. ~ (George Carlin). Someone outside the circle, looking in. Web#1 Dont just teach your children to read. 121. 17. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Maybe its because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni! The challenge is to find it. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. 35. The status quo sucks. ~ (George Carlin). Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. When society, government and organized religion showed their ugly sides, the iconic Carlin fearlessly jumped on stage to challenge their hypocrisy and corruption.Carlin's comedy wasn't just funny; it was a deep dive into human psychology and social criticism. Laugh often, long and loud. Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Why? Tweet. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Montclair State University Digital Commons If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Teach them to question everything. 3. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. I put a dollar in a change machine. When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Carlin was a cool guy; he wasn't racist, sexist, homophobic, or any other buzzword insult the P.C. They've got the judges in their back pockets. 42. Both the Left and the Right have been known to use his insights to demonstrate their own points. ", "If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~ (George Carlin). The previous statement is false. ~ (George Carlin). He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, Monday Motivation: 36 Powerful Quotes to Jump-Start the Beginning of Your Week, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ~ (George Carlin). One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. God has a three-day weekend. ~ (George Carlin). Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Fascism won it. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. ~ (George Carlin). I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. George Carlin Quotes Though some of these people have always been fans, his social commentary and political criticisms have found new meaning--and a new home--among the right.Though the right-wing and left-wing have "claimed" George Carlin as one of their own heroes, his allegiance was always to himself (another great libertarian tenet), and wasn't going to shill for anyone.If Carlin was ever a hero, it was always for the individual, the rebel, the outcast. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. George Carlin Its never going to get any better, dont look for it. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~ (George Carlin). The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. George Carlin Quotes I hate groups of people. He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say. That in of itself should make you think.Carlin performed many standup comedy routines and HBO specials, acted in dozens of television and movie productions, recorded spoken-word albums, and was the author of several books, with titles like Brain Droppings (97) and Napalm and Silly Putty (01).What I loved about Carlin was his dedication to freethinking and independent thought. The planet is fine. For your favorite quotes. 41. Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians Teach them to question everything. I have as much authority as the Pope. 91. Now I feel better. ~ (George Carlin). The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 27. Carlin proved that mixing comedy with thought-provoking ideas is perhaps the only way to get people to listen. Ironic that political wings have come to fight over claiming Carlins humor for their own affiliations when his comedy career was a controversial compilation of his own bold assessments and ruthless truths that could offend anyone and everyone on a given topic with neither prejudice nor remorse. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? No contest. I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Some people see the glass half full. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of 14. What if there were no hypothetical questions? ~ (George Carlin). [3], Carlin was equally hard on politics as he was on religion. Then they think you are just fine, just what they've been looking for. You don't. It will not be with jack-boots. The future will soon be a thing of the past. ~ (George Carlin). I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on metheyre cramming for their final exam. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Analyse the Republicans now.#DemVoice1 #Fresh pic.twitter.com/1VVJdfOnVg, Tony #DemVoice1 (@TonyHussein4) May 21, 2022. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~ (George Carlin). 36. After that, they don't want to know about you. When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. 21. Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. Fortunately, fans of Carlin are not easily persuaded that everything must align with partisan preference. You May Also Like:80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral and Other Life Stories60+ Edgar Allan Poe Quotes to Take You on a Mystery Ride51 Elvis Presley Quotes About the Essence of Life and Rock n Roll, Harvey Bernard Milk (1930-1978) was one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States. As for the poor, [conservatives] tell us [the poor]'ve lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. -- "Dance for yourself. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ~ (George Carlin). The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). 29. 52. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 78. Its what our system produces: Garbage in. It presents itself as We think in language. If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself cant lift it? ~ (George Carlin). A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. He won several Grammy awards and was posthumously honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). Several reasons. I dont vote. WebBest George Carlin Quotes 1. 83. They don't like women. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. 69. Germany lost the Second World War. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. 84. The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Property is theft. They will only bring you down to their level and beat Being Irish isn't a skillit's a fucking genetic accident. Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout The people are f***ed. I don't trust none of them.